A Chibi Story
by anonymous celebrity
Summary: Two hundred chibis for five cents apiece turns out to be a rough deal...


CHIBIS ****

A CHIBI STORY

*~*_(Based on the forwarded email known as A Monkey Story_._)_*~*

AC: Hello and welcome. Thank you for coming to read this wonderful **cough** story. My muse, Anastasia. **pause** Stace? **another pause** Anastasia, get out here!

Anastasia: **has hot-pink hair and faery wings. She enters and bows melodramatically** Always make an entrance.

AC: -_-;; Anyway, we're tinkering around. Our usual genre is Drama, but we have a writer's block problem, so we figured we'd try our hands at Humor.

Anastasia: Please be kind. And don't forget to review, or I'll send Bubblevicious and ZERO-Quatre after you.

AC: O_o… ah, well, on that note, Stace, run the disclaimer.

**__**

DISCLAIMER: Anonymous Celebrity does not own Heero or Duo. She doesn't own the little joke/e-mail forward thing; she only modified it. And she doesn't own me. She just thinks she does.

AC: Haha. Not funny, Stace.

Anastasia: ^_^

__

(Author's note: Daniel and Jamie are two "voices" in my head. They are also two of my friends.)

Daniel: Hey, is this like the monkey story?

AC: Yes, it is.

Jamie: Yay!! **smiles and dances around with Daniel**

Anastasia: Before I'm told, the warnings.

**__**

WARNINGS: Dead chibis. Swearing. Heero abuse.

Heero: What?! Omae o korosu.

Anastasia: Mataré tú.

Heero: ???

Anastasia: Same thing, different language. Now, on with the story!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

__
  * Hi, my name is Duo.
  * I like chibis.

**Duo and Heero are walking together down a street**

Duo: Chibis are sooooo cute! I want a chibi.

Heero: You do realize that chibis are dangerous, insane, and expensive?

Duo: SO?! They're cute… hey, look, a store!

_

  * The store was selling them for five cents apiece.
  * I thought that this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.
  * I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
  * I like chibis.

_

Heero: Two hundred chibis?! Duo, how are you going to deal with them all?

Duo: They're cute. Look at this one. **holds up a chibi** I named him Sigmund.

Heero: Sigmund?

Duo: After the guy who sold them to me. I do have a lot of chibis to name, you know. **holds up another** This one's named Heero, after you.

Heero: **looking the chibi over** I'm hardly flattered.

Duo: Meanie. They were worth all ten dollars.

Heero: -_-;;

_

  * I took my 200 chibis home.
  * I have a big car.
  * I let on e of them drive.
  * His name was Sigmund.
  * He was retarded.

_

Heero: **gripping to the seat in front of him—both he and Duo are in the back seat** Duo, what possessed you to let the chibi drive?

Duo: He wanted to. He was so cute, I couldn't say no… Though you gotta admit, he's far from smart.

**the car barely misses hitting a parked vehicle. again.**

Heero: I'm going to stop him, or else we're going to die.

**Heero begins to climb up to the front seat. Sigmund lets go of the wheel altogether, and the car veers into an abandoned building. Heero flies into the dashboard**

Duo: Thank God for all these chibis. They kept me from getting hurt. Are you okay up there, Heero?

Heero: Hn. **growls as he staggers out of the car. Duo and all 200 chibis follow**

_

  * In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
  * I laughed.
  * They punched Heero in the genitals.

_

Heero: **DEATHGLARE© ® towards Duo**

_

  * I stopped laughing.

  * When I got home, I herded them into my room.
  * They didn't adapt well to their new environment.
  * They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

_

**the chibis are flying off the couch and into the wall**

Heero: **shouting to be heard and bandaged** This is what I warned you about, Duo.

Duo: **also shouting** Aw, come on, it's funny when you think about it.

Heero: After three hours?

**Heero the chibi flies into Heero the soldier, knocking him over**

Heero the chibi: EEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Heero the soldier: That's it. **gets up and draws gun**

Duo: DON'T SHOOT MY CHIBI!! **wrestles Heero to the floor**

_

  * Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour when Heero tried to kill one.

  * Two hours later I found out why all the chibis were so inexpensive: they all died.
  * No apparent reason.
  * They all just sort of dropped dead.
  * Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
  * God damn cheap chibis.

_

Duo: ;_; Why did my chibis have to die?!

Heero: Good riddance, if you ask me.

Duo: You're cruel. **holds up Heero the chibi** Look, he's dead.

Heero: I see that. And I'm glad. They nearly killed me.

Duo: Nah. You're immortal, Heero. You haven't noticed that yet?

Heero: **glare**

_

  * I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead chibis lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
  * It looked like I had 200 throw rugs

_. 

Duo: You think I could keep them for decoration?

Heero: No. **beat** How can chibis look like throw rugs?

Duo: Um, they have long hair.

_

  * I tried to flush one down the toilet.
  * It didn't work.
  * It got stuck.
  * Then I had one dead, wet chibi and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry chibis.

_

Heero: That was a stupid idea, Duo.

Duo: Well, you told me I had to get rid of them, and I tried.

Heero: A chibi is too large to fit down a toilet…

Duo: Well, how was I supposed to know? I'm not going to listen to you anymore. I'm keeping them, so there.

_

  * I tried to pretend that they were dolls.
  * That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.
  * It started to smell real bad.

_

Heero and Duo: **from the stench** X_x

_

  * Heero had to pee but there was a dead chibi in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.
  * I was embarrassed.

_

**Heero and Duo have revived themselves**

Heero: I don't care how embarrassed you are, if you don't call that plumber, I'm going to kill you. **brandishes gun**

Duo: You can't kill me.

Heero: Can too.

Duo: Can not.

**time passes. Heero can't bring himself to pull the trigger**

Heero: Damn you.

Duo: Maybe we can take your mind off of this. What do we do about the smell?

Heero: The only ways I can think to slow down decomposition are cryogenic preservation, which is expensive, and freezing, which is—

Duo: A good idea. Thanks, Heero.

_

  * I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
  * Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
  * Heero had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.

_

Heero: **while eating his third hot dog, a plate of French fries, and his fifth pint of ice-cream** How come I'm eating all this food? Certainly you would be able to stomach more of it than I can.

Duo: Because I have to change the chibis in the freezer. And it's my idea, so you have to listen to me.

Heero: No I don't. **stands**

Duo: Where are you going.

Heero: I'm giving the rest of it away. **takes food and leaves**

Duo: Oh. Good idea.

_

  * I tried to burn them, but little did I know that Heero was flammable.

_

Duo: **after splashing an insane amount of gasoline around** That ought to do it. Now to get out of the way. **leaves**

Heero: **entering the room** I earned some money from all that food, and I intend to keep it as payment for all that you put— **sniffs** Why does it smell like gasoline in here?

**a lit match flies into the room, followed by a low-grade explosion**

Duo: **re-entering, seeing his comrade ablaze** HEERO, YOU'RE ON FIRE!!

Heero: **another DEATHGLARE© ® **

_

  * I had to extinguish the fire.
  * Then I had one dead, wet chibi in my toilet, two dead, frozen chibis in my freezer, one hundred ninety-seven dead charred chibis in a pile on my bed, and a crispy Heero, and the odor wasn't improving.
  * Heero became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead chibis and he really had to use the bathroom.
  * So he went and severely beat one of the chibis.

_

**Heero, now a human mummy, picks up the chibi that was once named Heero and beats it. Then he draws his gun and empties three rounds into it**

Heero: **turning to Duo** I am going into the woods to piss. **leaves**

_

  * He felt better.

  * I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the colony was not allowed to dispose of charred chibis.
  * I told him I had a wet one.
  * He couldn't take it either.
  * I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

_

Heero: **re-entering** I thought about a couple of things while I was outside. I have no reason for staying here with you and your dead chibis, so I'm leaving. **before Duo can answer, he leaves**

Duo: Damn. Now what am I going to do?

_

  * I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts.

_

**a week has passed. Duo arrives on Heero's doorstep**

Duo: Hey, Heero. You're looking better.

Heero: **eyeing Duo doubtfully** What is that?

Duo: Your Christmas gift.

Heero: In May? **Duo nods enthusiastically. Heero accepts the gift and opens it** It's a chibi.

Duo: Yep. I'm sharing the wealth… he he he… you're supposed to laugh now, Heero…

**Heero looks at the chibi, then looks at Duo, and then down at the chibi again. This goes on for a little while.**

**Heero punches Duo in the genitals**

__
  * My name is Heero.
  * I like chibis.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Anastasia: I'm happy with it. 

AC: Me too. Good work.

Duo: **holding his, erm, male area** I don't think so…

Heero: After all you put me through, Duo, I believe that was fair retribution.

Duo: But I didn't do it… **points to AC and Anastasia dramatically** THEY DID IT!

**AC and Anastasia freeze**

AC: Uh oh.

Anastasia: Now would be a good time to run…

**Heero and Duo chase AC and Anastasia away at weapon-point**

Daniel and Jamie: **still hyper and bouncing** Please review! ^_^


End file.
